Remember that game that was supposed to be the greatest game ever? Do you remember all the trailers hyping up this game? Do you remember the promise of being able to plant an acorn and watch a tree grow? No? Well you’re probably 5 then. Anyways, this is a review for the most overhyped game in history: Fable: The Lost Chapters. So the premise of Fable is simple: You are a young boy who has everything taken away from him in a typical RPG fashion. He then stays at the Heroes Guild, which is a guild to train people who have special gifts in one of these three categories: Strength, Skill, and Will. Strength is your ability to use swords and hammers and all those juicy melee weapons. Skill is your barter and trade skills, as well as your long range skills and stealth skills. Will is essentially your magic. However, your character is gifted in an unknown ability to use all three expertly (Although you can find out why if you look at the lore). So eventually your hero graduates and then you are released into a somewhat open world.
The gameplay is very simple; you use one button to attack and one button to use a special attack which you get pretty often. Then you hold down a certain button to see your Will spells and press the attack button to cast it. That is pretty much it folks. So to answer your burning question, yes, you do get through pretty much every fight by mashing your attack button. You can dodge and block, but that’s sort of pointless since the game throws many enemies at you and the camera doesn’t want to move to see who is attacking you because it wants to stare at your ass. So the combat is very simplistic and can get very easy once you get some decent gear or at least when you unlock the soul suck divine hell spell.
The story of the game is nothing to get excited about. It’s okay at best and it only has a few interesting bits to it. It actually takes a while to get the main story really going. Eventually, you get to the final boss of the original game, after which you can play the bonus content until you get to the real final boss which is actually somewhat cool. Both bosses are still pretty easy though. So you have a lackluster story with weak characters with weak voice acting. Trust me; you will hate the guild master when he tells you that your health is low for the 50th time!
Now, one of Fable’s main elements is its morality system. You can either be a good guy who has a halo when you stand still with blue eyes, blond hair and butterflies flying around you. Or you can be an evil dude who loses his black hair, has red eyes, pale skin, and awesome devil horns. It’s a shame that both end up not looking cool at all. When I was an evil guy, I was expecting to look like a demon…but all I got was a scary looking guy….with horns. So about the morality system…well as far as morality systems go, this isn’t unique at all. It’s still good or evil and you can have two “alternate” endings where the narration is different. Whoopdy f***ing doo. So it has no spice at all and the only benefit of being full good or full evil is that….wait, there isn’t any benefit. Well that sucks.
Now as usual, I’m going to list the good and bad:
- The button mashing combat can get tiresome and easy at times.
- The story and ending(s) are weak.
- Voice acting sucks
- Character models are re-used over and over and over and over and over.
- Voice actors are used over and over and over and over and over.
- Marriage is absolutely pointless. Unless you like being nagged by an NPC who looks like everyone else.
- The game bestows you with s**t tons of money.
- The combat can get very clustered and it’s hard to block and dodge every attack.
- F***ing. Escort. Missions.
- Bad checkpoint system.
- Lack of features that were promised during production like having kids and competing with other heroes.
- Morality system is shallow and samey black and white bullcrap.
- There is a sword you can only get if all your strength abilities are maxed out, but by the time I got it, I had the best sword in the game…..WTF!
- Armor isn’t varied.
- Magic is piss weak at the beginning of the game.
- Magic tattoos that can’t go away?
- There is an aging system where your character can magically be and look 65 only 2 hours in……what the hell…
- The game is kind of short.
- The AI should be renamed: Dumb and Dumber.
- Weapons aren’t very varied.
- Lame side quests.
- Certain shops like barbers only have certain things. So you have to go all over the map to find the one thing you want….if you can even find it.
- The camera on the PC version only wants you to have a good view of your English flag underpants.
- The soundtrack is utterly amazing.
- The game has some charm and English humor to it.
- Some weapon designs are completely badass
- The graphics are colorful and varied.
- There is still some fun to have in the combat and morality system.
- Some spells are pretty cool.
- The collectables and rare items have interesting ways to get to them.
- The game is fun….I really can’t explain why.
So should you buy Fable: The Lost Chapters? Yes. Despite all the horrible things I said about this game, it’s still pretty good. I liked the game so much that I actually took time out of my life to immerse myself in the lore of the Fable universe. So I guess that’s something important. In all seriousness, however, I still think this game is at least worth a look. It’s very cheap on Steam and since Fable: The Lost Chapters is an expansion to the original Fable; you get more content for less. So I guess that’s something to be proud of even if you are pants on head retarded.